Friday, October 14, 2005
12:54 AM
O well. bloody eoys r over. n training starts soon. cant b bothered. training sux.
I screwed up math n chinese. i cant believe i screwed up math. math was my best subject in pri sch and sec 1.
Well i know now that all it takes to do badly in math is a lousy teacher (namely: Yoon Lay Beng), and me not focusing on wad i should b focusing on. Van should know wad i'm talking about. All others who are out there trying to wrack your puny little minds to think of it. dont bother.
Imagine this. i suddenly have the urge to see my stupid useless deserted blog and i see tags on my already dead and rotting tagboard of people who continue to ask me to update.
Well. i'm lazy. accept it. I'm an ACSian. we excell at being lazy n still do well in everything we do. it's our gift. since u guys out there cant do it. u suck. accept THAT.
I'm just kinda depressed at the moment cuz of my eoys and some other stuff...
So dont take my post seriously. i'm just trying to crap my depression away. not working but at least i can vent my anger on my com and soccer ball. nvm.
I just realised i'm listening to Wannabe by Spice Girls. i suppose it's an old song but u cant forget nice songs rite? no matter how old they are. that song was what propelled them to superstardom. before dropping them like a stone into the abyss of pathetic-ness.
Blame Victoria for everything. she sux. yes she does. all u people out there shaking your head vigourously. slap yourself now. u are WRONG. she sux n u know it. your head just doesnt like u. replace it with a baboon's butt thank you.
The eoy week has been a terror for me really. i just dont wanna fail math. if i fail math i might as well jump off a cliff thinking it is a faster way to reach the ground. joy.
I just cant fail my chi nor my math. i just cant. i hope i dont. i cant. i wont. i will. yes i will. doom is imminent.
Well. today there were mixed feelings. to be happy? or to b depressed like shit. i suppose i should b happy since eoys are over. but i just cant stop thinking about my eoy results. and some other stuff. bwah. i'd rather vomit my intestines out than fail. o well. i better begin to practise vomitting my intestines out.
u know i think i lost my humour over the past few days. alot of things happened. i think i was affected quite bad. did i deserve it? i hopefully dont think so. my mind and my heart works differently. i can no longer laugh at the things i used to. i can no longer make jokes about people. i can no longer suan them about things which r obviously funny. i suck. i shouldnt b making others feel so bad too. i suppose i'm selfish.
Well. through these few days i found out things i nvr really wanted to know. sis found out who i've been smsing n then tattled to my parents. i was hounded by questions. WHO IS BIRD SHIT. WHO IS KOKIKU. WHO IS SALTY PAPER. WHO IS GV WHITEWAVE. o well. at least i didnt save u guys as your real names or i would get screweeeeeed.... REAL bad.. but i got screwed anyway. and my sis found out about things i nvr wanted her to know. i found out things from my friends which i nvr wanted to know. i shouldnt have been too curious. shit.
Okay i think wad i found out has pretty much damaged my insides. During math. couldnt focus. i wrongly estimated the time given. i didnt finish the paper. i screwed math. i screwed my eoys. i screwed my life. i would do 1 question. stone. think about wad i found out from my friend. then stone some more. then proceed to the next question, stare at it, stone some more, get screwed by the question. forget it. i just kept thinking about it. i cant help it lah okay. it doenst concern me i suppose. but.. i dunno..
I'm very confused. i dunno wad to do. so very confusing. frickin confusing.
i need someone to talk to who understands. but no one understands me. i nvr let them. i just dun want them to get involved in my problems. i dun want them to feel pity or anything. i dun need pity. i need help. not charitable smiles. no. i need people who bother. bother is an easy word to say but no one means it. no one does. not even my parents.
my parents give me as much freedom as a lab rat in a maze. i can barely leave the hse unless i go out without informing them. until i am already out of the hse then i inform them. that's the only way. but then i usually get grounded afterwards but at least it was worth it. they always ground me. i just want more freedom. they suck. One word: ENVY. i sure envy all those people with REAL freedom. not some self proclaimed ones. i need freedom. i need it bad. all i do is get myself cooped up at home. sneak out. then get cooped up 4 a longer time. it's no use to go against my parents and their "undeniable logic" which to me is called BULLSHIT.
okay. imagine this senario. the girl whom u like does not like u. BWAH. o well. u guys out there cant rite?? cuz u guys have it ALL GOING FOR U. well for me it's a different story. everything i do i cant do it rite. so many things just dun ever work 4 me. and to those who think this is just another depressed post. well it's not. i'm not depressed. pls dun think that. i'm just very very very confused and i dunno wad else to do now. cant i even get SOMETHING going my way. please...
PLEASE.....PLEASE.....PLEASE.....i just cant take it anymore. i dunno wad is my next move. wad do i do. do i tell her? do i tell anyone? should i? i might as well live in a cardboard box 4 the rest of my life if i do. it's just too stupid. i mean i like someone who i think will NEVER like me. like wth. i sure have my work cut out 4 me. i seriously dun think someone as smart n pretty as her will like someone as loser-ish like me. i mean come on. it's UNBELIEVABLE. even God is laughing so hard that's y there are so many earthquakes around. Sorry Pakistan. it's my fault. really. blame me.
All i need is someone who understands and someone who bothers to help me. well but sure. these 2 factors r quite impossible to find in the same person. i might as well just live life knowing that she likes someone else and just watch from afar. not a stalker. just making sure she's alright and the guy she likes treats her well enuf. Yea. i get scary when i get pissed. Dont try to bully her.
I must sound like an idiot. come on. she wont bother. she may just think of me as a stalker anyway. o well.
HOW COULD AN ANGEL BREAK MY HEART? By Toni Braxton
Pretty damn OBVIOUS aint it Toni? u and me share the same problem.
"And I don't know what to do,'Cause I'll never be with you."
"But it's time to face the truth,I will never be with you." James Blunt
Bwahhaahaha... i know that feeling pretty damn well.
nvm. i just hope no one gets too concerned about this or i will feel guilty that people actually feel 4 me.
O well. i cant even suan anyone anymore. it's no longer fun. it used to be. sad news can kill someone's life. i mean it's only sad to me. haha. not many people feel the way i do. Well i can only say thankyou to Van [the man] and Peiting. yep. they were there for me. not really peiting though. poor thing is so caught up with work. or she just loves to dao me. the latter sounds more believable.
Thanks to all who seemed to bother. but seriously. i'm better off alone. i'm a loner by nature. trust me. i guessed it when i always got bullied in kindergarten. started to vent my anger in pri sch. got teased somemore in pri sch. became pissed. became sick with life. my pri sch was hell trust me. and now u rub me the wrong way and u die. simple as that. only a dimwitted twit wouldnt undertand. yes yes i know u are one. cuz u r reading this blog. only twits would bother about me. sorry. but yea i am pretty depressed now. i contradict myself but nvm. it's my nature.
i'm being selfish. i only want her to myself. sorry. yes it is very very selfish. wad can i do. i like her more than i used to. n i nvr liked someone this much b4. yep. sorry. n i dun hop from girl to girl. i aint despo.I've hurt too many people in my life. i dont want to do it anymore. sorry to everyone which i hurt b4. i think i deserve this treatment. i deserve this pain i feel inside. but not even Lucifer himself deserved this i suppose. maybe it's just me. o well. goodness knows. well y dont u try living the life constantly hounded by the thought the girl u like likes someone else? o well..
Sorry. o well. might as well get onto less of me and onto others. today we went to watch Goal. stupid movie but we watched it 4 the soccer. wad can i say. it's soccer. the soccer was good, the plot wasnt. in fact the plot was crap. dipshit. horseshit. dog shit. bullshit. you. see the pattern. nvm.and then after that we went to ant's hse. inspired by the movie guess wad. we went to play soccer. any tom dick or harry can guess that. in other words. u cant. so we played soccer. till it rained. we did set pieces and corners and gking and we played on the basketball courts. did i tell u that LIDO was PWNED by ACS? LIDO was FULL of acs. i mean FULL. ACJC ACSI ACSB. WOW. FULL. FULL... we PWNED every other pathetic sch who went there. we were tempted to start shouting. ACS ARE U READY. and start with kemak or wailo. o well. we didnt have the prefects. or we will own everyone there. and they will have to bow down to the supremecy of ACS. thank you. i know u r bowing now. thx. u can rise now. and stop kissing my shoe. it's sick. go kiss my other shoe now thank you. that's sick. -puntwe then played soccer and then went back to ant's hse. by then it was like 7. we went to the mrt station at 7. i got home at 8. my parents scolded me. u know wad did they say? WHY DIDNT U TELL US U WERE GOING OUT?? i BLOODY TOLD THEM. they just want a reason to ground me. they are so UNREASONABLE. i cant STAND them. i mean my eoys are OVER. u want me to MUG?!?!? WTFHOMG. o yea i got grounded. joy. and then my mom comes and tells me that i didnt tell her about my exam marking days. i showed her the bloody exam timetable. she must b suffering from some frickin disease or something cuz she forgot and blamed it on me. she then said that I SHOULD REMIND HER. like WTF. i didnt even KNOW she forgot and she wants me to REMIND her??? how would i know that she forgot?? she's just damn unreasonable. and i wish i had more freedom. i just want freedom. i have to get out of this hell hole i am supposed to call home. my parents are the gaurdians at the gate. and my room and my friends are my salvation. my anger is my weapon. and my goal is my freedom.
then after i came home i went bowling with my dad. played 4 games. i didnt bowl well. maybe it was cuz i sprained my ankle playing soccer. nvm. i only bowled 123. that was like my highest 4 that time. it sux. nvm. O and btw i lost my class com badge. DIE. greg lim gonna kill me... walau... class committe badge damn ex lor.. walau.. dun wanna buy. rather go pretend or something. only 2 more weeks. can i pull it through? POLLYES----------- 01%NO----------- 02%
YOU SUCK--- 97%
2000 Votes
O well. i suppose the tribe has spoken. screw u.
Yes yes. i know i aint very original and creative but guess what??
FUCK YOU.
i dun give a DAMN anymore. i dunno how to fix up my life. i only can try my best to live it without being too hurt by her.
Well i can tell u this now. if i were to get some deadly disease or something. i would tell her how much i like her. then if it really IS fatal i can die without regret. yep. i'll b happy 4 once in my life when i reveal it to her. well. sorry to all those people i hurt. i didnt mean it.
Peace
Nick, OUT