Wednesday, February 08, 2006
8:34 PM
well i have a shitload of hw. that's pretty much the main topic for today's post. bascially cuz my zuo wen is in front of me and i havent started even though i'm supposed to hand it in by tmr or else i will get a demerit. such a nice thought ainnit?
my chi teacher is a sadist okay. he told us to write the zuowen on monday and he expects us to hand it up by weds. i mean i have art on tuesday and i was finishing up all the hw i had from the previous week and that monday. which means only 10 people managed to do the zuowen and hand it up on time today. but seriously. he expects us to do it? that's madness. INSANE.
had training today. tired as hell. how do u expect me to write a good zuowen? and finalise my ISO topic by tonight? gosh. it's too much for me can? i really think i wont b able to continue this anymore. my mind cant take this mentally. i dont wanna admit this but i really may need a counsellor or someone to help me. i've got alot on my mind and my very helpful mother just added more onto my already deadweight life.
sherrie is worried but i cant tell anyone.
parents orders. aint supposed to tell anyone. n i dont wanna get anyone worried. so there. u wanna know? bite me.
i can only tell people 2 yrs from now. but till then. i'm gonna cry everyday =X.
well u can tell that i aint very happy today. more of disappointed and sad and also very deadweight. my chi sucks and i dunno how my parents managed to get me to go into hcl. what the heck. i'm in it already. might as well die trying.
pre-ib is wayyy too much for me. the pressure after pre-ib is gonna b worse. i cant take new friends. i dont wanna lose my existing ones. cuz i know for sure they gonna get boyfriends or girlfriends n stuff like that. i dont think we or i will make much of a diff to them anymore.
i dont wanna lose my friends. really. i mean i would have no one to turn to anymore. my parents cant do much to me cuz they hate what i do. AHHWELL. nothing i can change there. might as well make more friends cuz my parents dont give a damn. i mean i dont doubt they love me and all that jazz which they tell me all the time. but i just dont get WHAT THEY MEAN. they practically scold me for all that i do wrong and condemn wad i cant do. what CAN I DO? i have no idea. seriously. i cant take each day of life wondering wad i will have to do. i have no more direction anymore. i dunno wad i am looking forward in tmr. there aint no tmr. just another day of boring lessons. just another day of slogging out for training. another day of not being able to hand in hw cuz i live so goddamn far away and i reach home at 4 everyday.
there aint much of a use anymore. i get home. i'm super tired from sch and the endless walking trip home. i can barely do my hw. not that i dont wanna. i have absolutely no energy to. i usually sleep on the floor in fatigue after climbing the stairs to my room after an already tiring day. i cant take it anymore. i'm so tired. my parents still complain that i am always so tired. like what the heck. do i WANT to be tired? do i WANT to sleep on the floor after i get home from sch? do i WANT to get scolded for not handing up hw? no one in the right state of mind would want all that. i definitely dont. it aint right to give up hw time to sleep. but seriously. i aint got no more energy left in me. my life's a routine with nothing to break it. holidays are just extra sundays for me to try to do my hw but end up wasting. i dunno what's in store for me tmr but it sure aint exciting enuf for me to look forward to it. my life's boring and there's nothing i can do to break out of this deadlock. gimme a break. seriously. i need something to look forward in tmr. for now till the day i die. there aint such a thing.
what are friends. really. respect must be mutual. but look at this. who respects who? no one i know seems to give a damn about respect. are they my friends? sure i know the names and lives of many people but if i disappear or faint or get a seizure, heart attack or stroke or something, who would come running? sure i was there every time i had to see derek in the hospital when he broke his arm. would anyone do the same for me? i dont look forward to sch. i dont look forward to seeing my classmates much. i dont even look forward to softball anymore. i'm just so goddamn tired. bleh. i wanna know some REAL friends.
just to be a little random. rv people are todally weird. heard a bunch of them talking on the mrt. i wasnt eavesdropping. they talk too loud. a boy and a girl. the girl was telling the boy how weird her eng teacher speaks and the boy was agreeing. this was how their convo goes:
GIRL A: that teacher ar.
she speaks so funny lor.
BOY B: yeah lor. he sounds so weird. his english pronouciation is so weird too.
GIRL A: yeah. that time hor. she said infamous. it's supposed to be IN-FAMOUS lor (their pronounciation of it was in-famous as in they read it like in and famous as 2 seperate words).
BOY B: yeah lor. and she still thinks her english is so good.
GIRL A: yeah. stupid woman.
like HMMMM. seriously man. it IS read as INFAMOUS not IN-FAMOUS. such dumbidiots. they think they are so smart? PUR-LEASE. they cant even pronounce a word correctly and they dare to flame an ENGLISH teacher? wow. now how smart is that. HAHA.
conclusion? some rv people are downright stupid. SOME. aubrey dont flip.
oh well. onto a happier note.
there aint no happier note.
my life is gonna get screwed. period.
ciao