Tuesday, November 07, 2006
3:31 PM
today was the second day of 3 days of worthless cip at grps!worthless not in the sense that i dont like it. but cause i never needed any cip hours in the first place. it was kinda boring. but today we were smarter. but not by a whole large degree. i brought cards. but there were only 3 people at a station. and taiti got boring after a while so we turned to blackjack. but blackjack wasnt fun without money either. so we ended up playing blackjack. substituting money with......leaves...yes. as stupid as it sounds. think of it this way. u would never run out of leaves as the floor is practically littered with them. and u can just tear them in half if you want to double your capital. simple yet innovative. okay maybe it isnt that innovative. today passed faster than usual. the 9 groups had finished by like 10.50. and we had assembled at 11 or so. it was rather quick. pauline, kaibin and pauline's friend (i think her name was jingsomething. oops. i forgot. ) went somewhere. and jo had to go back to sch for her cca. so i followed her to the mrt station. derek and yk decided to follow the bus back to grps. with all those little troublesome students. and tmr jo has piano! at the condo where i stay at. so that means i can hitch a ride from her. wahaha. and jo's gahgah thing is very traumatising. i realise that children are getting smarter but shorter. maybe they spend too little time exercising and too much time studying. it's freaky how much time can change the generations. tmr's the last day of the cip and after that i would have to go see the architect fellow for our job attachment. i think work attachment is a wholesome waste of time. we might as well get a part time job or something. well let's get over with it. now.. continuing my trend of hopping from topic to topic...the house is still messy as hell and my bad throat prevents me from eating any chocs. what the heck. i bought so many packets of chocs and i cant eat them. at least it can last for relatively long. i'm forced to drink nothing but milk and water. like some cancer patient. it's not very fun. now i realise why cancer patients cant take it. i have missed so many trainings due to iba! that's not good. coachie wont like it and he might take me off the team. so.. after iba i would have to chiong training i guess. the holidays are boring.....sometimes i wish i just were someone else. i wish i could think like he does. do what he does. be . like he is. i know i'm insecure. and it's hard for me to change. as much as i want to. it's hard for . me to realise that i have my own abilities too. so i keep wondering what's making me think like . that. i mean sure i can pretend. i've lived most of my life pretending to be someone i'm not. i . dont wanna lose my friends. and i dont wanna die alone. but as i think about it and as i reflect . on my life, what i do and what i say indeed justifies that i'm gonna be a lonely fellow. i just aint . very friendly i guess. not friendly enough. i try though. but it would just be pretending right? . how DO you change your character anyways? any attempt at changing would just be deemed . as pretending cause, people already perceive u as that kinda person. wont changing or even . trying to change seem like you're a fake? i dunno. i lie too much and i pretend too much. i try to . hard and i often, always fail. i try and i fail. so why try. life isnt ALL that worth living right. it's . just this facade i've been living. i wonder if i have actually made an impact in people's lives. . sometimes the mistakes i make are too major for me to change. so... i think uhm. i think i . should stop trying. my will to become this friendly guy which everyone likes is like.. gone. sure i . will keep pretending. That's how boring the holidays are. as boring as a couple of dots. happy birthday stacey in a few days time. happy birthday pauline in a few weeks time! i might not be in singapore to wish you happy birthday anyways.
Happy Holidays!